COMING SOON: Fatherhood in the Banda FAMILY

It seems as if Fatherhood in the Banda calendar has come up earlier, and I have to admit it, I myself I just can’t wait. I got the news a few months ago. At first I was lost in the wonderful world of surprise.

Let me clarify that so that you don’t get me wrong.  What I mean is that I was so excited that for the first two days after being told I couldn’t even begin to describe my excitement in words. I wanted to share my excitement with someone so I called my parents in Vosloorus to tell them that I was coming.

Normally they know that I don’t call unless telling them that I and my friends (when I say friends they know that I mean my girlfriend) and I will be going out for the weekend, so I would like them to send my cousin to come and stay in place while I’m not around. So back to the story, the days that followed were just full surprises.

THE GIRL’S VIRGINITY WAS BROKEN

Lindokuhle “Dr Dream” Mnisi

Dr Dream looking sad seating near the door in his room

Confession: This column is about the only girl that I broke her virginity and left her within a month after breaking her. She loved me, trusted and honoured me but I played with her heart, feelings and emotions. I was a teenage boy in my adolescence stages. I can’t take back the hands of time and give her virginity back but I just thought I should write about it after finding out what virginity means to women.

Virginity is every girl’s pride. It is girls’ dignity. It is every girl’s access to dignity and respect. It plays a significant role in the building of reputation in their societies. Their confidence comes from their dignity, AND VIRGINITY IS THEIR DIGNITY.

She was born with it, as a young girl she didn’t know what it was. She grew up caring for it as she knew there was something special about it. It was her only hope and meant the world to her. It was the only thing she was confident and proud of. She would rather lose her life than her virginity. She watched her friends going around with boys, sleeping out and having fun with their boyfriends but she knew she wasn’t missing out, she was never tempted. She didn’t wait for her elder’s advices about maintaining her virginity but she knew from within what was good for her. She had dreams, ambitions and goals about her life and future. Her virginity was her first priority, the first in the list of things she honoured and cherished with her life.

Her wish was to give it to the chosen one, the beloved boyfriend who would someday turn to be her husband, the one who would marry her and spend the rest of his life with her. She always said that “God will choose and decide” who she should give it to. She never lied to her teeth saying “I won’t have sex before marriage” but she preferred to say “I am keeping this (virginity) for the chosen one”. She was waiting for the one who would be the first to feel the softness of her thighs, the person who would hold her tight differently and turn her on, the one who deserved to take away the very special treasure she had. She was known as a decent girl in her society. Everyone was looking up on her, people believed in her. She was an inspiration and role model to many young girls.

That was when I showed up in her life. As the sweet, romantic, caring and loving boyfriend. I persuaded her and made her believe that I was the perfect one sent from heaven, her heart desire, the one chosen by the Man upstairs. I penetrated in her life pretending to be the one who would bring out the best in her. I gave her reason’s to smile. I made her fall in love like it was her first time. I made her feel special and loved. She was so convinced, hooked, taken and besotted. I occupied her heart with love. But was it real love? She used to call me every day, send me text messages each and every hour but I never replied to any. But to her we were in love, I don’t know how she got so doomed.

It was not long when we got ourselves under one roof together. She never knew what was going to happen that night but I already knew. I had planned everything in advance. In my pocket I had two condoms. To me, it was the right time for everything while she pleaded “not ready”. Even though she thought I was the chosen one but it was still not an easy task to get through her. I had to use deep tricks, but I had prepared that before I left home to her home. She fell for my lies but made me do serious promises before getting into her. I promised her the world but I didn’t mean any single word. I was so on top and aroused. I just wanted to get though her and get done with it. After listening to my fake promises, she closed her eyes, put her hands above her head and started shivering. She was shaking out of fear but she allowed me to come closer. I got in, slowly and I noticed that this was new to her. She was so tight and brand new. I could see on her face that she was in pains and couldn’t bare it but I went through. AND THE GIRL’S VIRGINITY WAS BROKEN. According to her were already married as “they” say that “the boy who breaks a girl’s virginity is spiritually married to that girl.” To me it was just sex.

I was so proud of myself the next day. I was walking on the streets with confidence, told my friend I was THE MAN and we celebrated. Visiting her the next day never came into my mind. I only went back to her after 3days because I wanted her again. I started visiting her regularly for the same purpose, taking the advantage that she loved me from the heart and wouldn’t dump me or refuse to have sex with me whenever I want to. She was willing to sacrifice everything for me but I cared less. There was a day when I said “enough now, I’m full and done with my daily bread” and that was when I took my empty backs and left.

Dr Dream honding his head, seating near the door.

I was a teenager. I never knew what was what, to me life was what I could visualise and touch. I never knew what a feeling is. Most importantly I didn’t know what love really is. I utilised everything that I got my hands on. I never realised that I was hurting the people around me. Adolescence was in my head (like any teenager). I don’t regret being young, living teenage life and doing lots of mistakes, but I regret making her dig me when I didn’t truly dig her. I regret taking her virginity and not maintaining it. I can’t take back the hands of time and give her virginity back, even if I could, it’s too late.

Lesson

After growing up, researching, learning more about people (their interests and believes) I realised that there are certain things that means a lot to others but mean less to others. People have differences in their perspectives. What interest another, might disgust the other. The things we take for granted means the world to others.  Teenagers do things that they regret at the later stage. This is not ONLY a story about me but a lesson to others. It’s not a mistake to do a mistake, but it’s a mistake not to acknowledge and apologise if necessary. It takes a real man to identify his mistakes of the past, talk about them and fix them if possible.

APOLOGIES

My apologies are not only based on the victim of my inconveniences but this is a dedication to all the women of the world, all those who are victims of the same situation, and those who were affected by their teenage life. To some it got worse and they don’t know where to bury themselves.

As for me, I didn’t only disrespect the victim but all the women in the world. I took for granted what they cherish and I degraded their dignity. I was young.

I live a different life now that is why I took my time to write about it.

I AM SORRY!!!